|
Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of
your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right fore
finger and thumb on either of side of cats mouth and
gently apply pressure to cheek while holding pill in
right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
|
|
| Retrieve
pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process. |
|
| Retrieve
cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. |
|
| Take
new pill from foil wrapper, cradle cat in left arm holding
rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and
push pill to back of mouth with right fore finger. Hold
mouth shut for a count of ten. |
|
| Retrieve
pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Pull spouse from garden. |
|
| Kneel
on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding
front and rear paws. Ignore low growl emitted by cat.
Get spouse to hold cats head firmly with one hand while
forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler
and rub cats throat vigorously. |
|
| Retrieve
cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrapper.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully
sweep shattered figures from hearth and set to one side
for gluing later. |
|
| Wrap
cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its
head just visible from below spouses armpit. Put pill
in end of drinking straw; force cats mouth open with
pencil and blow down drinking straw |
|
| Check
label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass
of water to take taste away. Apply bandage to spouses
forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and
soap. |
|
| Retrieve
cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat
in cupboard and close door on to neck to leave head showing.
Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band. |
|
| Fetch
screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply
cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last
tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from
bedroom. |
|
| Ring
fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence whilst swerving
to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. |
|
| Tie
cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind
tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning
gloves from shed. Force cats mouth open with small spanner.
Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet
steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down
throat to wash pill down. |
|
| Get
spouse to drive you to hospital; sit quietly while doctor
stitches finger and forearm and removes pill remnants
from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to
order new table. |
|
| Arrange
for SPCA to collect cat. |
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